Rush hour: A comedic rant about traffic


31 March 2024 by WTF Notebooks

An illustration of cars in a traffic jam, with speech bubbles representing road rage

Ah, rush hour. The time of day when the roads turn into a battleground and your car becomes your trusty steed in the war against idiocy. It's like entering a gladiator arena, armed with nothing but your wits and a playlist that's supposed to calm your nerves but instead just exacerbates your road rage.

You know you're in for a treat when you merge onto the highway and suddenly find yourself in the midst of a four-lane game of chicken. Blinkers become as rare as unicorn sightings, and the concept of "right of way" gets tossed out the window faster than a soggy burger at a vegan convention.

And don't even get us started on the genius who decided that rush hour should coincide with the daily urge of construction crews to dig up every road in a twenty-mile radius. "Let's see how many orange cones we can fit on one street", right?

And with that come the beloved traffic jams – a symphony of honking horns, colourful language, and the occasional existential crisis. You sit there, trapped in your metal box of despair, pondering life's greatest questions, all while trying to resist the urge to scream into the void.

And let's talk about other drivers, shall we? It's a motley crew of characters straight out of a Shakespearean tragedy. You've got the Speed Racer wannabes, treating the highway like their personal racetrack, weaving in and out of lanes like they're auditioning for a Fast and Furious movie. Then there's the Grandma Gang, cruising along at a solid ten miles below the speed limit, blissfully unaware of the chaos they're causing behind them.

And let's not forget the multitasking mavericks who think it's a good idea to apply makeup, eat a three-course meal, and conduct a business meeting all while hurtling down the highway at eighty miles per hour.

But hey, at least we've got carpool lanes, right? Because nothing says "let's reduce traffic congestion" like rewarding people for having friends.

So here's to you, rush hour warriors. May your coffee be strong, your playlists be endless, and your road rage be kept to a minimum. And if nothing else helps, take some notes in a WTF Notebook entitled "Shit I scream at other drivers" – because we get you.

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