The Complete List
The ABC of humor
We get it. There's a looot of titles to scour through at WTF Notebooks. So we made this nifty, alphabetical list that contains every single title – from A for 'awkward' to Z for 'zany'.
A
A notebook on a desk beside an iPhone and a succulentAlgebra and other things the devil inventedArguments and conflicts I've had with myselfArguments I lost to ChatGPTAwkward yoga poses I got stuck inB
Bangers & Mash and other gourmet recipesBirthdays and anniversary dates I always forgetBrainstorming and shitBrilliant ideas I had while drinking beerBrilliant ideas I had while drinking bourbonBrilliant ideas I had while drinking wineBrilliant ideas I had while poopingBrilliant ideas I had while smoking weedBrilliant ideas I'll never act onC
Cheat sheets for today's examChores he still hasn't done yetChristmas turkeys and other things that can get stuffedCo-workers I suspect are vampiresCo-workers I want to punch in the faceCo-workers I will get fired by the end of the yearConsequences of my actionsConspiracy theoriesConversations I’ve had with my smart speakerD
Dipshit of the month nominationsDoodles I drew during important work meetingsDreams I'll never pursueDreams that got crushed when I had childrenDumb things I did without thinking them throughDumb things I've done that my parents don't know aboutE
El Niño and other excuses for a bad hair dayEmails I wish I had never sentEmails I won't respond toEmails, texts, and letters for my baby reindeerEmployees I'm thinking about firingEvil plans and unicorn drawingsExercise and other things I wish I could outsourceExistential thoughts I had in the bathF
Fish and other dishes that should be banned from the office kitchenFucking brilliant ideasG
Great comebacks I thought of three days laterGreat ideas for spilling beer onH
Hair I collected on the subwayH.R. horror storiesHobbies I'll take up when I retireHomework I won't doHypothetical arguments I've had in the showerI
Ideas on how to become a millionaire without starting an OnlyFansI have no idea what I'm doingInappropriate comments to make in serious situationsIndex of parents who I wish had never procreatedInspirational bullshitJ
Juicy workplace gossipJumping to conclusions and other sports I'm good atK
L
Late night conversations with ChatGPTLecture notes and penis doodlesLetter of resignation drafts and templatesList of expletives I have mouthed at people under my face maskList of items I found after my husband had a man-lookList of my criminal convictionsList of my favourite pubic hair stylesList of online purchases I made while drinkingList of people who have wasted my timeList of people who underestimated me and how that worked out for themList of reasons why I don't want childrenList of reasons why I hate my jobList of things I don't give a shit aboutLunch breaks and other reasons why I like my jobM
Medical jargon I’ve used to sound more impressiveMeeting notes and other boring shitMeetings and other things I don't do after 4:30pmMeetings I prefer to socially distance myself fromMeetings that could have been emailsMenopause and other things that get me heatedMicrochip implants and other side effects of the vaccineMondays and other things I've come to like since retirementMy archive of flying fucks I don't giveMy book for drinking wine and judging peopleMy book for writing stuff and drawing penguinsMy book of passwords, secret codes and PIN numbersMy book to doodle in during writer’s blockMy book to stay organised as fuckMy book to write in to appear busyMy catalogue of dad jokesMy children's Christmas wish lists and other delusionsMy deepest, darkest secrets and desiresMy failed attempts at going veganMy friends' and family's credit card detailsMy hopeless attempts at adultingMy hopeless attempts at buying my own houseMy hopeless attempts at savingMy journal for gratitude, self-care and winefulnessMy kick-ass plans to become my own bossMy list of bodies I buried in the woodsMy list of days that don't have enough hoursMy list of gym clothes to wear at the grocery storeMy list of morally flexible ideasMy list of places I'd rather be than universityMy list of prison pen palsMy list of things I was right aboutMy list of things my husband was right aboutMy list of things my wife was right aboutMy list of things that have been mansplained to meMy most inappropriate thoughtsMy omnibus of pet peevesMy opinions nobody gives a shit aboutMy plans to take over the companyMy plans to take over the worldMy research into living in a pigstyMy research into working alongside a bunch of moronsMy survival plans for the apocalypseMy wildest sexual achievementsN
Neighborhood gossip and other factsNew jobs and other anxious life momentsNew Year's resolutions and other casual promises I'm not obligated to fulfilNew Year's resolutions and other short-lived ideasNotes and other shit to write downO
Official rules of the election drinking gameOnce-in-a-lifetime events I survivedP
Passwords, logins and other stuff I keep forgettingPeople I want to punch in the facePeople I wish I could flush down the toiletPeople I'd like to wrap in Christmas paper and ship to the North PolePhotos from my colonoscopyPhotos of arsesPhotos of boobsPhotos of bumsPhotos of dicksPlaces I've been banned fromPoetry and other shit my brain comes up withPolitical debates and other comedy shows to watchProof that my Roomba is plotting against meLook mum, we’re famous!
Here’s a small selection of media outlets that have called us anything from ‘hilarious’ to ‘weird’.
Q
R
Rain water and other liquids I wish my car ran onRandom thoughts and other notes I'll turn into a book one dayReasons I still can’t do a handstand, despite watching the OlympicsReasons I want to speak to the managerReasons I will be on the naughty list this yearReasons I'm day drinkingReasons I'm going to hellReasons I'm hitting the pub tonightReasons I'm leaving the monarchyReasons my boss should let me continue to work from homeReasons why I don't fit in those jeans anymoreReasons why I don't play well with othersReasons why I like dogs more than peopleReasons why I mix my coffee with BaileysReasons why I should never be put on speakerphoneReasons why I think that this meeting is bullshitReasons why I won't be seizing the dayReasons why I'll never get promotedRecipes I'll be able to cook once my children have moved outRecipes I will never makeRegulations I'd impose if I ran this nationRunning late and other sports I'm good at
S
Sharting and other romantic gesturesShit H.R. wants me to stop sayingShit I have to rememberShit I have to write down because I'm oldShit I learned in school and never neededShit I scream at other driversShit I should do for my fucking healthShit I should write downShit I started but never finishedShit I wish people had told me about having a babyShit my boss saysShit my children sayShit my husband saysShit my wife saysShit that keeps hitting the fanShit that keeps me up at nightShit that makes my eye twitchShit that you just can't make upShit that's none of your fucking businessShit they said is importantShit you shouldn't have to explain to adultsShopping lists and plans for world dominationSmart things I'm going to say laterSnide remarks I need to keep to myselfSongs stuck in my head on repeatSpells and incantations people should fear me forSpells I have put on peopleSTI test resultsStupid shit we do because we’ve always done it that wayStupid things my children argue aboutT
Tales from the night shiftTasks I need to complete before I can watch NetflixTattoos and other regerts I haveText messages I sent when I was drunk"The Sound of Music" and other tunes I can fart along toThings I can put off until tomorrowThings I can't say out loudThings I found in my belly buttonThings I got blamed forThings I need to get done but probably won'tThings I only talk to my dog aboutThings I only tell my Chief of StaffThings I really shouldn't tweetThings I should tell my therapistThings I thought were funny when I overheard them on the trainThings I want to say at school but shouldn'tThings I want to scream into the voidThings I was told by the voices in my headThings I wish I could say to my mother-in-lawThings I won’t miss about Earth when I’m on MarsThings I worry about that don't fucking matterThings I would like to say but that will get me suedThings in the NDA I can’t talk aboutThings I'd like to tell my boss but that would get me firedThings I'd never say out loud but share on social mediaThings I've done that remind me I'm a badassThings I’ve had to repeat more times than I can countThings I've said in my sleepThings my boss doesn't know about meThings my face says out loudThings my husband doesn't knowThings my mother "told me so"Things that are more important than my to-do listThings you shouldn't say on a planeTimes I cried myself to sleepTimes I farted in yoga classTimes I walked naked in public and nobody noticedTimes I was right and my boss took creditTimes I was right and nobody listenedTimes I wore no pants during a work video chatTimes my cat was a real jerkTimes my crystal ball didn't workTimes my inner saboteur convinced meTimes when AI understood me better than peopleTimes when AI was more human than my co-workersTimes when my life has felt like an episode of Black MirrorTiny violin concertos I can play for youTranscripts of recent bathroom conversationsTricks my dog taught meU
Unofficial legal adviceUnofficial medical adviceUnsolicited advice I kept for posterityUnsolicited parenting adviceUseless shit I will buy when I'm rich as fuckUseless stuff to overthinkV
Vaccines and other things that give me the shitsW
Ways to appear sober at family gatheringsWords and phrases I keep mispelingWords that accidentally fell out of my mouthWork jokes and other coping mechanismsWork notes and other things I can ignoreX
Y
Yoga, meditation and other ways to stay saneZ
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